Will Not Attend

Every bride knows the rule of thumb that about 20% of invited guests will decline your wedding invitation. I'm not going to say that we weren't a little relieved that all 227 of our invited guests couldn't attend our wedding -- we were very pleased when our final count came in at 182, just about exactly the number of people we had hoped for. However, having now had some time to reflect on those who were there to share in such an important day in our lives (and those who weren't), it's hard not to take some people's absence a little personally.

It's funny how we "hope" for a certain number of "will not attend"s, but don't realize how much some declines can hurt until faced with them head on. I mentioned in my Post-Wedding Vows that I now vow to never send a response card back with a decline without including a personal note. There's something about receiving a decline with no explanation that makes a couple wonder if the guest has a reason... or do they just not want to come? There's a point where you stop looking at the numbers (of guests and dollars) and you start to realize that no dollar amount or extra room at a table can take the place of the people you wish were there for you on such an important day.

Don't get me wrong -- we had an absolutely amazing day surrounded by people who truly love us. But I have to admit that I am still really hurt by a few family members who didn't come at the last minute, and a few other invitees whom we think just didn't want to come, perhaps because they wouldn't know many people, didn't have a date, didn't want to make the drive, etc.

It has made me rethink the importance of accepting invitations when someone has cared enough to invite me somewhere. Whether it be a wedding, a shower, a dinner party -- whatever. Knowing how much time and energy goes into planning an event and how much thought goes into the guest list makes me realize I should never decline an invitation unless I am absolutely unable to go somewhere.

How have your feelings about accepting or declining invitations changed while planning your own wedding? Have you been surprised by how hurt you felt when receiving declines?