Falling in love.....

....with a dress!

Tomorrow is my first excursion into the overwhelming world of bridal gowns. I've been tearing pics out of mags for months now, and know the look I want (or at least, I think it's what I want), but whose to say that those dresses won't look like crapola on my 5'3" not-so-much-stick-then self? I know what looks good on me in terms of regular clothes (note to self: high-necks make bewbies look bigger, v-necks minimize the girls!), but as far as bridal gowns, this is definitely uncharted territory.

I told myself that I would go in with an open mind, but unfortunately I have already allowed myself to go just a little too far with one dress in particular. I couldn't help it -- that damn dress has been putting the moves on me since the moment I first laid eyes on it online, and, well, with weak knees, I eventually gave in to its many advances.

This dress has all of the details I have had in the back of my mind since the beginning, all squeezed into one lovely, delicate pile of taffeta and lace. It is not strapless (although strapless looks good on me, I'm kind of tired of seeing all-strapless wedding gowns and would like to try for something different); it has lace, but is not ALL lace; it has an a-line skirt but not too fru-fru full; it has an assymetrical waist; it has a nice train; and it doesn't have a sash (I feel like sashes only emphasize the shortness of my torso).

Without further ado, the dress that I will be trying on tomorrow (along with several others, I'm sure):






photos from Jasmine Bridal

*Sigh....* Isn't it lovely?

Money matters

I have always tried my best to have the open-minded outlook that other people's money and how they choose to spend it is none of my business. But now that I am in a position where people may be judging my financial choices related to my wedding, it makes me realize that not everyone shares this view, and it can be a pretty sore subject that keeps rearing its ugly head.

Exhibit A: My brother got married in NYC a month ago, in the incredibly spectacular Angel Orensanz Foundation. It was a beautiful wedding and it was perfectly suited to him and his new bride -- they are two classy, artistic people who really put their personal touch on every detail and threw an amazing party for their friends and family in celebration of their marriage.

This past weekend, we were visiting Mr. Blushing's relatives, and they were asking about the details of my brother's wedding. Without making any mention of how much things *may* have cost (because I don't know, nor do I think it is any of my business), I guess people still assumed it was an extravagant affair. The comment was made by someone that "a lot of hungry people could have been fed with the money from that wedding," and I was extremely caught off-guard (and pretty offended).

My main issues with this comment are as follows:

• The commenter is putting a dollar amount on something she really knows nothing about, not to mention that she has never met my brother or his wife but is making a judgment based solely on the fact that they had an NYC wedding. Well, NYC is where they live, so why wouldn't they have their wedding there?

• The commenter is assuming that one who spends a lot of money on something like a wedding is using said money only for one's own benefit and not using it to also feed the hungry, help the homeless, etc...... but can't one do both? Why are people with the means to live comfortably judged on that fact alone? Isn't it possible that they make large donations to help others, without making it public knowledge, in addition to spending money on themselves?

• The commenter has two daughters, neither of whom had large or lavish weddings. That is perfectly fine and wonderful if that is what they wanted. To each his own! I just have to wonder if, in lieu of having a large, expensive wedding, they actually DID use the money they may have spent on a wedding to instead feed the hungry, help the homeless, etc. If not, then what is really the difference between them spending next to nothing on a wedding or someone else spending several thousand dollars?

• If the commenter disagrees with how much money is spent on weddings, then why does she continue to attend those that she sees as being frivolous?

Later on, to Mr. Blushing, I expressed my anger at the remark that was made regarding my brother's wedding. I would have been offended by that comment at any point in time, but especially now when we are planning our own wedding and money is obviously an issue, well, I have become a bit more sensitive to the subject. Although we could never do this, Mr. Blushing brought up a funny proposition: when sending this family member a wedding invitation, why not let her know that if she would prefer, she can decline our invitation and we will donate the money that would have been spent on her meal to charity. Although it would put her in her place, I guess it's not really the adult thing to do! But you have to wonder if it would help her to put things in perspective a little bit. Probably not, but one can hope.

I guess that maybe I just need thicker skin, and I need to not worry about what other people think. But when it comes to money and what I choose to spend it on, I still stay firm in my opinion that is not something for anyone else to worry about or make assumptions about! Why is it that money is such a constant source of conflict, and why do we let ourselves be concerned with how others choose to spend what they have?

Broken home bride

When I was ten years old, the unthinkable happened: my parents got divorced. Divorce is one of those things that a kid never imagines can happen to their parents, and, for me personally, it pretty much came out of nowhere and I was shocked. Granted, I was ten, so my "shock" came out more like stubborn tears and awkwardness in school when I had to tell my friends. But nonetheless, it was completely unexpected and felt surreal.

Since then, I have come to realize that we are all better off since the divorce. My dad is remarried, my mom has an amazing man in her life, and my brother and I were lucky enough to have two parents who stayed civil with one another for our sake and never, ever fought in front of us. We are all who we are today as a result of that decision; now it is hard to imagine that my parents were ever married to each other because they have grown to be very different people, but I think that proves that they weren't meant to stay together. It is strange that I really don't remember what it was like to have parents who were married, aside from a few very vague memories from my childhood.

Now that I'm engaged and starting to plan a wedding and, more importantly, a future with Mr. Blushing, I have to admit that I get a little scared sometimes. Not only did my parents get divorced, but pretty much every aunt and uncle in my family also got divorced. I come from not only a broken home, but a broken extended family! On the contrary, Mr. Blushing comes from a (very large) extended family where all of the married couples have stayed married; divorce doesn't even seem to be an option in their minds. I think that is wonderful and I admire that, but it makes me wonder how so many marriages in one family -- my family -- could have failed. I can't help but wonder: is divorce in our genes??

I don't mean to sound cryptic, as I hope that divorce is never something I will have to deal with. But no one really expects it, do they? No one says, "I think I'll give this marriage a good 5 or 6 years and then move on."

Mr. Blushing and I have been together almost four years and we have learned how to deal with conflict in a mostly adult way (I said mostly ;-). But sometimes I feel like I'm kind of learning as I go, where maybe he has had better married role models. I am going to put everything I have into making sure this one keeps, and I hope that someday we can be role models for our own kids when it comes to making a marriage work.

A picture is worth...

A few weeks ago, we had our engagement photo session with our photographers, the Wiebners. They are a husband and wife team whose work grabbed my attention several months before we were even engaged. It might sound crazy, but once we got engaged, they were the first and only photographers we met with. There was no doubt in my mind that they had the creative, edgy style we were looking for, without being too shmushy or into special effects. (I am more of a fan of effects being done in the camera, not on a computer.) They were a bit of a splurge, but photography is one thing I can't bear to scrimp on (and they are still a lot more affordable than other local photographers whose work I don't even like as much).

Without further ado, here are a few highlights from our fun photo session in the cute little town we live in!

14 months and counting

It is hard to believe that five months have already passed since Mr. Blushing and I got engaged. When we first set the date for next September, it seemed like we had to wait forever... but now it's setting in that time really is flying and it's time to get down to business!

I am an easily overwhelmed and anxious person, so the last five months have been somewhat of a godsend for me. After the initial excitement of being engaged quickly came the anxious feeling of "we have to find a place..... NOW!" Once the date was set and the reception location was secured, I felt a little more calm, but had no idea where to go from there. We booked the church, the DJ, even the photographer (who I had had my eye on for a while!).... but what about all of the DETAILS?

Maybe I need to clarify -- I am a graphic designer by trade, and I can't imagine not being able to put a personal stamp on our wedding day. To me, the DJ and the photographer aren't the details, they are the vendors. They are wonderful and they will add to the wonderfulness of our day, but they are not the heart and soul of the day. In my mind the real heart and soul of a wedding is the culmination of the little bits of charm and personality that may not matter to some brides but are, for me, pretty much second only to my fabulous Mr. Blushing. I want the day to reflect us and be a great celebration of our friends and family who have shaped who we are, and I want people to remember all of the little personal touches in years to come. I want them to walk away and say "that was SO Mr. & Mrs. Blushing!"

It has been really nice to be able to buy bridal magazines and search for ideas without anything to really "do" just yet. About a month ago I started to feel like I really had a vision for what I want the day to be like, how I can personalize it, and what's most important to me. Now, the words that come to mind when I picture the day are: classic, approachable, whimsical, colorful and personal. Maybe these labels are too vague, but they make sense to me! And I am now ready to start pulling together all the details (with a somewhat clear and calm head) that will make the day Blush-worthy and Blush-tastic :-) First BIG thing on the agenda: dress shopping! In a week I will be going on my first bridal gown excursion. Stay tuned!