Money Matters

Budgets are always part of the wedding-planning equation. The budget is a necessary evil and, without a doubt, the major determining factor in the majority of wedding-related decisions. But along with the logistics of how much lighter your pockets will be after paying for all the wedding expenses, I have also found that others don't hesitate to let you know what they think about your wedding dollars and cents (or, rather, sense).

Cartoon found here

We are having a wedding with close to 200 guests and I realize how lucky we are to have the financial support of our parents to make the wedding and all of the events surrounding it happen. But at the same time, we are, by no means, having an extravagant, lavish, six-figure kind of wedding. Sure, our budget may be much larger than some, but it is also much smaller and less flashy than others. Our parents have been really great throughout the process and have not made things at all painful when it comes to money discussions. They have been generous and reasonable about everything.

What it really boils down to for me is that how much money we (meaning Mr. Cupcake and me, and our parents) are spending is ultimately our choice, and no one else's business.

Apparently some people didn't get the memo.

On more than one occasion, people have made it clear to Mr. Cupcake and I that they think large weddings are a waste of money — one person told us that the money spent on a very nice wedding that we attended "could have fed a lot of hungry people." Ouch. (We never even specifically mentioned that it was an expensive wedding — we just said it was a beautiful wedding, which I guess translates to "dripping in money.") I have also picked up on a few eye-rolls and sarcastic comments about wedding costs from people who may or may not know us well — their comments are not necessarily directed at us or our wedding in particular, but of course it's hard to not take it a little personally. Judgments like this upset/annoy me because:

a.) how much we choose to spend on our wedding (and how we spend our money in general, for that matter) is no one else's business

b.) some of the judgmental comments have come from guests who will be attending our wedding and I feel like they'll be judging/disapproving the entire time (while eating their $$$ prime rib ;-))

and

c.) they're assuming that people who spend money on things like large weddings aren't also capable of giving to those in need. Why can't someone spend money on material things and also give to others? Since when do we have to choose one or the other?

While I understand that the money spent on a wedding does seem to disappear quickly and it could certainly be spent other ways, I also think it's okay to splurge on the most important day of our lives. And let's not forget that we're supporting some talented vendors (and the struggling economy) in the process. What's so bad about that?

Sure, there are a lot of vendors out there who give the industry a bad name, and overcharge for anything that has the word "wedding" thrown in front of it. But I have met enough enthusiastic, honest, well-priced vendors to know that it's not all about overcharging and taking advantages of brides. And certainly there are brides whose weddings become a spectacle of affluence, but some of us truly just want to celebrate our wedding day with the people we love the most in the world and treat them to a really great, memorable party.

Have you had to deal with a lot of judgments from others regarding how much dough you're putting out for your wedding? How do you deal with it and/or justify how much you're spending?