Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Broken Home Bride

When I was ten years old, the unthinkable happened: my parents got divorced. Divorce is one of those things that a kid never imagines can happen to their parents, and, for me personally, it pretty much came out of nowhere and I was shocked. Granted, I was ten, so my "shock" came out more like stubborn tears and awkwardness in school when I had to tell my friends. But nonetheless, it was completely unexpected and felt surreal.

Since then, I have come to realize that we are all better off since the divorce. My dad is remarried, my mom has an amazing man in her life, and my brother and I were lucky enough to have two parents who stayed civil with one another for our sake and never, ever fought in front of us. We are all who we are today as a result of that decision; now it is hard to imagine that my parents were ever married to each other because they have grown to be very different people, but I think that proves that they weren't meant to stay together. It is strange that I really don't remember what it was like to have parents who were married, aside from a few very vague memories from my childhood.

Now that I'm engaged and starting to plan a wedding and, more importantly, a future with Mr. Cupcake, I have to admit that I get a little scared sometimes. Not only did my parents get divorced, but pretty much every aunt and uncle in my family also got divorced. I come from not only a broken home, but a broken extended family! On the contrary, Mr. Cupcake comes from a (very large) extended family where all of the married couples have stayed married; divorce doesn't even seem to be an option in their minds. I obviously think that is wonderful and I admire that, but it makes me wonder how so many marriages in one family — my family — could have failed. I can't help but wonder: is divorce in our genes??

I don't mean to sound cryptic, as I hope that divorce is never something I will have to deal with. But no one really expects it, do they? No one says, "I think I'll give this marriage a good 5 or 6 years and then move on."

Mr. Cupcake and I have been together for over four years and we have learned how to deal with conflict in a mostly adult way (I said mostly ;-) ). But sometimes I feel like I'm kind of learning as I go, whereas maybe he has had better married role models. I am going to put everything I have into making sure this one keeps, and I hope that someday we can be role models for our own kids when it comes to making a marriage work.

How have divorces of the people in your life affected your own views on marriage?

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